Harry and Megan: How They Can Still Get the Crown

Confession: I didn’t watch the interview. I don’t have TV. But I’ve watched clips and seen many video clips of others’ responses. I smile just a bit: “Bombshell” revelations? Revelations that racism is present somewhere in the royal family. Revelations that both Harry and Meghan have suffered deeply, that Meghan was suicidal under unrelenting global scrutiny and family criticism. That one sister-in-law made the other sister-in-law cry. That they both felt trapped by the Royal Institution, “the Firm.” That they’ve chosen to break out of the institution.

This is shocking? If you’re a Brit, maybe yes, because Royals have not been allowed to be human or normal or publicly honest.

The rest of us? There’s a bit of a yawn, (THIS is global news?) and then, for me, empathy. And then this larger question that affects all of us:

What do we do with “Honor your father and mother” when our father and mother may not behave honorably?

“Honor” the Hebrew word “kabod” means weighty, heavy, to give weight to. It even is translated “glory” in reference to God. Oh my. This makes it worse. Harder. Should Harry and Meghan give this heavy weight and authority to their parents?

All through this last year, I’ve been teaching “Your Story Matters” classes online to thousands of people around the world. I hear story after story of family hurt, betrayal, estrangement. I have my own stories to hold. Harry and Meghan chose to break with their families because of differing values and conflict of interest. The fallout for every family suffering estrangement? On both sides, parents and children—-Devastation. For the royal couple, they’ve given up some piece of “The Crown.” (For me, for years I was a ghost, not sure I even existed . .. And now I’m pinching myself. Am I really writing about this here? It would take a whole book to address this! I did that here. )

I have one thing to say today to all the ones reading this who know about this. Who know how it feels when the very ones who should love and support and affirm you are the very ones who attack and deny and ignore and reject you.

Your feelings are valid. Your story is important and valid. Never deny the truth of your story. But don’t stay stuck in that story. Don’t let other people define you and shape you.

Over the decades I have learned this:

Let the one who created you define you. Let the one who died for you give you your identity.

Be who your true father says you are, not who they say you are.

Your father says you’re his daughter, his son.

He says you are forgiven.

He says you are beloved.

He says you’re worthy and you don’t have to do anything to earn your worth.

He says you’ve been given eternally important work to do in this world and in His kingdom.

He says he’s going to share his inheritance with you.

He says he never wants to live apart from you, ever.

He says he holds you in his hand and he sings over you.

That’s who you are.

When you live out of that truth, that identity, you’re changed. You will keep on praying for your family (even when you have to separate from them.) You will see them in a larger light, the hurts in their own stories. You will find compassion. You will find ways to offer mercy and love. You will seek restoration, if possible.In all of this, you’re rewriting your story. You’re taking your story back from others.

I did get to re-write the end of the story with my father. I got to love instead of hate. I got to show mercy rather than exact revenge.

I hope Harry and Meghan will work toward restoration with their families. I hope you will work toward restoration in your family.

When and if healing comes, no one will crown you for this——except your true father.

But that’s the only crown that counts.

Forgiving is hard. So hard. If you need support and guidance doing this, maybe this book can help? I’m going to give some copies away this week. If you would just leave a comment saying you’d like a book and a sentence or two why—-with your email address so I can contact you privately. (Apologies but I can only send within the US.) I’ll try to get some out this week.

Sending love and prayers to you all!

Leslie